New Beginnings
I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. The future, as it turns out, depends on the past. Read on if you want to follow along my journey.
In 1984, over 40 years ago, I immigrated to the United States as a 10 year old boy. My father was entering the prime of his career in Taiwan. He was to become an executive for IBM, then later Unisys, and hence he got the family US Green Cards through his employment.
Taiwan was very different when I grew up, a developing country long before becoming today’s semiconductor powerhouse. A common belief back then was that local opportunities were limited, so if possible, one should send their children to America.
I believe that influenced my parents. My older sister finished elementary school. She was moving to New Jersey to live with my aunt and uncle. She will receive the prized American opportunity.
I just finished 4th grade. I wasn’t supposed to go. My dad asked me if I wanted to go too, and innocently, I said, sure! That single answer changed my life forever, more than my parents or I could imagine.
In recent conversations with my dad, he has regrets about sending us to America and missing out on our childhood. I know he did what he thought was best for my sister and me. As a parent myself, I understand and I don’t fault him at all.
In Taiwan, I was far from a good student. As an October born baby that skipped ahead, my “relative” age was young. I was good at math but not much else. One time, in a class of 55 students, I ranked #50 in test scores. That’s the bottom 9%!
In American elementary and middle schools, I was also good at math, but otherwise average. By high school, my relative age caught up, and out of nowhere I got straight A’s. I ended up receiving a full tuition scholarship to study Electrical Engineering in college.
After graduation, rather than returning to Taiwan, I became a software engineer for the US Army. That’s where I met my wife Allyson, the all-American girl of my dreams. For the next 27 years, we were happy together. We moved around the country chasing my career, eventually settling near Seattle to work for Google. Our kids were born here and will soon both be in college.
By all accounts, I have the picture perfect life, the American Dream. I had a great career, a wonderful family. Allyson chose to be a stay-at-home mom. The kids went to top public schools in the techie Seattle suburbs. Smart investments allowed me to retire early in 2020 at the age of 46.
Life goals check check check and CHECK.
Allyson and I agreed to put our lives on hold while the kids finish up high school. We had big plans for when we become empty nesters. As fate would have it, Allyson was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2022, and in late 2024, the angels took her away.
My future dreams all came crashing down.
Without Allyson, even with all that I have accomplished, I feel empty. The day to day stuff is rather emotionless.
I have been in America for 40 years. Forty.
For what my parents sacrificed, I was supposed to get a good education. I did.
I am supposed to have a good career. I did. I am supposed to financially provide for my family. I did that and more.
I am supposed to have a house with a white picket fence and a dog. We have a big white house with a black gated fence and TWO dogs.
I was lucky to meet and marry Allyson. I am supposed to give her a happy life. I hope I did. I need to be a good father to our two sons. I’ll be doing that until my end.
Given all I’ve done, I don’t think I owe anyone anything anymore. I’ve spent the last 40 years meeting society’s expectations for my education, my career, my family, and up to this point of their life, my kids too. I don’t feel like I have anything left to prove.
I would like to do something for myself next. It’s time for a new beginning back to my past in Taiwan.
Don’t get me wrong. I love America. This country has given me everything I have as an adult, the storybook American immigrant tale. I became a US citizen at age 18. My wife and kids are Americans. I will always be an American and will die as one.
I think I have achieved as much as I can in this country. 40 years is a long time. Perhaps long enough. Maybe the next 40, or whatever I have left, can be elsewhere. The lure of my childhood roots is powerfully irresistible, like pacific salmon seeking the way back from distant oceans to their natal river streams.
My mom passed away in 2017. My dad is now in his 80s. I would like to make up lost time after they fatefully sent me away to America in 1984.
Without saying, I would have loved to have Allyson with me in Taiwan. I think the locals would adore her and treat her like one of their own. I will bring her ashes with me. Even though she won’t be there in physical form, she will be there with me in spirit.
I don’t see me leaving America as an end, but rather a new beginning for the hero of my own life story, a young boy who embarked on an extraordinary life adventure in a distant far away land. And decades later, after triumphs and heartache, is looking for comfort and solace back home.
40 years is a long time. I think long enough. Allyson, I’m ready to go back. Come home with me.
