After my wife Allyson passed away from cancer, I found a men’s grief group on Facebook. This week there was a post from a 30 year old man, who lost his wife after three years of marriage. He was in pieces. There wasn’t much I can say to console him. I left him a care emoji for support.
It dawned upon me that whether you were married for 3 years, 60 years, or 21 years like me, the pain is the same. The moment Allyson and I fell in love 27 years ago and got married, our future was already written. It was fated that one day we will be departed. We just didn’t know how or when it will happen. None of us do.
I’ve suffered the passing of other family members. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and even my own mother. But this time it’s different. The passing of a spouse is grief and pain on another level. But why?
One answer I learned is this. We have many loved ones in our lives. Our parents, siblings, and other relatives. You love each other because you are connected by family, by blood. We have a natural obligation to each other, a bond by birth right. We are supposed to be there for each other.
A spouse though, is a complete stranger. Prior to meeting you, they have no connections with you and can pass by just like any other person on the face of this Earth. And yet, somehow you meet, and they decided to commit to you. They choose…