Answers From Above
This story feels very personal. I’m writing it for the future me and our kids. This is a continuation of the past few stories since my wife Allyson’s passing in late 2024. Read on if you would like.
I am approaching a major crossroad. In a month my younger son will be moving away to college. I am half a year from my goal of moving back to Taiwan.
While I have been steadily downsizing the house and gifting away inconsequential “things”, soon I will have to start getting rid of real things, like the furniture and things we actually use. The rubber is about to hit the road.
Doubt enter my mind. What am I doing? Am I crazy? Am I really going to sell the house and move to Taiwan? Am I doing the right thing? What about the kids?
Whenever I need an answer, I go to the source of my strength and clarity, and that is, I would ask Allyson.
If Allyson was still here, there could be two versions of this story.
In Version one, Allyson is healthy and cancer free. We would most likely move to Taipei. We would rent an apartment in the city, near her favorite district of Dongmen, the East Gate of old Taipei. She could enroll in Mandarin classes at the nearby university. I would take her for breakfast on the way to class, then pick her up after, and perhaps dinner joined by her new classmates and friends.
On the weekends we can be lazy in boutique coffee shops or take short overnight trips around the island. Occasionally, we’ll travel to other Asian countries to visit with friends. We have lots of friends in America that regularly go to Asia for family or vacation.
In Version two, Allyson is living with cancer and needs regular treatments. We would probably stay in our house near Seattle, but travel to Taiwan a few months a year, depending on her treatment schedule and overall health.
In Taiwan, we can home base out of my dad’s apartment near the airport, but stay in hotels as we travel around the island or visit friends in other Asian countries.
In both versions, we would be spending a lot more time in Taiwan.
How do I know that’s what she wants? A few years ago when moving to Taiwan was still an abstract idea, we were driving in her car, her Tesla Model Y. Randomly, she said to me, when we’re in Taiwan, she would like a Model Y as our car. In her mind, not only did she already imagine herself living there, she even picked out the car she wanted.
Allyson is adorable like that.
The reality though is, Allyson is no longer here. The dream of sharing my homeland with her will remain just that, a dream. I still talk to her, but what would she say?
I think she would say, go.
She would say it’s been my dream since retiring during Covid to move back. And that we want to show our kids that life is short and you should chase your dreams. We wouldn’t want them to give up on their dreams just because of the unexpected along the way or what others might think.
She would tell me to not worry about the “things” at home. Most of them are just objects. Pack up important memories, like old documents and photos, her old skis, her white desk, and her grandmother’s antique chest. The Ikea and Costco furniture are replaceable. Don’t worry about those.
She would tell me she’s ready to go to Taiwan too. And since she has her wings now, she’ll fly there ahead of me. When I land at the Taipei International Airport, she’ll be there waiting for me, ready for our next chapter.
Allyson wouldn’t want to be the reason I stay. She would want to be the reason I go. Go, live the dream. After all, it was her dream too.